should I...or shouldn't I..

...comment when I see something that exasperates me?

This time, I'm going to. I generally avoid writing about political things, tempting though they often are. So, what is it this time? transport policy? political funding? the middle east?
No, it's the vital topic - what do I call a teddy bear?

Surprised? Maybe. I am. I just came home and heard that a British teacher in Sudan has just been jailed for letting her class of 8 year olds name a teddy bear after the chief figure in islam. I choose not to use the name; even though it is one of the most common first names amongst muslim men.

Why am I exasperated? Because it is one of those things that happen.... children use a word in a way that to them is natural, innocent, and without any malice. And adoring or indulgent adults smile and let them.

In many ways, the people who made an issue out of it were themselves acting in a natural way. They saw something that offended or endangered their values and they stood up for what they believe in. Many would applaud that. Many would like to have the courage to stand up and say - no!

And yet I sit here thousands of miles away, wondering what is the most appropriate response. My first reaction was full of anger "how dare they". Now, it's one of sadness. Sadness that an innocent, unthinking act has become front page news. Sadness that a country that has been through so much is again on the front pages. Sadness that a frightened woman is now in jail, fearing for her own safety. Sadness that religion is again being waved in faces.

what do I bring to the party?

.... I often wonder that. Now and then, I get an answer. Today, one of the guys I've been working with defined it for me. He remarked "I'm sure you'll carry across the same enthusiasm and commitment and will be a success" (in whatever you do next). And this from someone who exhibited just those very qualities in what he did.

So maybe it's true. Maybe we see some aspect of ourselves in others. I've long known that when I give feedback to another person, I say it in ways that are important to me. If I value loyalty, I will comment favourably when someone else is loyal. When someone else is loving and gentle, I notice it because I have within me the capability to be loving and gentle - and I value it highly.

The reverse is also true. If someone is pushy and harsh, maybe I react against it because I know I can be like that - and I don't like it.

The other day, I went to a christening. I saw a young member of my family, who's just about to turn 8, acting very gently and lovingly to his very young new cousin. He seems to show a wonderful aptitude with babies and young children. And he also knows how to correct his granny who keeps saying that the newborn is his niece. "She's my COUSIN" he says firmly, with a hint of exasperation. Deep down, I recognise that Charlie is indeed a member of my family.

Get a ....Second Life?

Most of us have enough problems with this life. We bubble around doing whatever we can - and avoiding whatever we can't.

But some have discovered there's alternative places to live. One is the phenomenon called Second Life. Maybe you know it. Maybe you've been there. For some it's an escape from whatever is bothering them about their everyday life. For some it's a way of being someone else. For some it's a way of acting in a way that is so unlike their "real" self.

I've been going there on and off since April. I had a couple of days off sick and was so bored with just surfing the net or lying in bed that I followed a link from a website. It took me a while to get going. And then the full potential gradually dawned on me. I really DON'T have to be who I am in real life. I can change everything - my name, my appearance, my age....even my gender....wow!

But of course, I can't really do any of that. And once I start speaking as this other character, however hard I try, the person who comes out from behind the mask - is ME. Well, now there's a surprise.

I'm used to playing parts - I spend a week or two every summer taking part in living history events - and I used to act in stage plays. The difference between my former stage roles and the living history is that the latter is 90% improvisation and 10% sketched character in a designed landscape. We each know what character we are playing and where he or she is in the cast of characters. We know the period we're re-enacting (usually the English Civil War). And the rest is down to us. Sometimes visitors come up to us and ask how we remember the scripts so well. That raises a laugh - "script? what script?" And that of course raises the visitor's eyebrows even further "you mean you're improvising it all as you go along?" Well, yes. It's more fun that way. We're not acting out the same scene every day to a different audience. We're recreating the daily lives of people in a historical context - and generally those daily lives move on a little each day. Some days we deliberately make the "plot" leap forward with dramatic events. Much more fun.

So, when I visit the fantasy world of Second Life, I already have roleplays in mind. But I have never yet actually reused a roleplay from a previous visit. Sure, each player has invented a character (an avatar, in the terminology), and given that character some sort of profile. But what we actually get to talk about is whatever comes to mind in the situations we visit. Because, you see, Second Life (SL to its fans) allows lots of different venues for the characters to visit and very sci-fi ways of flitting between venues whenever you feel like it.

And you know what comes out for me? A very rebellious streak. A desire to help characters to escape to a haven of their choosing. Some would say it's a haven within the haven of SL for those who can't face....whatever it is that drives them to be there in the first place. But of course we choose to do whatever we can imagine. And what I notice is that the internet has allowed yet another community to exist. The community of people who dive off into a fantasy world for an hour - or more. And the great thing is that no physical harm comes to the players (if you exclude the harm done by crouching in front of a PC or laptop!).

What do people do in Second Life? They act out fantasies and invite others to join in. Who do they meet? Whoever turns up. And they have ways of keeping in touch with other players so they can develop friendships. Sounds a bit like real life, eh?

where am I?

I haven't posted here for a long time. Fact or opinion?
I haven't had anything to write about. Opinion or emotion?
I haven't had the time to write. Emotion or physical state?

Who knows?

What matters to me is that I feel inspired to write. And that's what got me writing poetry in the first place. Today I finished working on a full time job; the first I've had since the end of 1999. The job was started as a stop-gap; a way of earning money; a way of getting back into the world of work. Wow. What a concept that is - "the world of work". It suggests that people who don't work regular hours at a defined job are not actually working. Try suggesting that to people working their socks off at part-time activities.

The truth is that I've worked on lots of things since 1999; they just didn't involve being an employee at a company that paid regular salary cheques.

And just now I read an article from a friend of mine; he said "if you want to find out someone's values, look at what they're doing". So I thought about that in the context of the job I just finished. What was I doing there? And I started to answer the question like this:

I'm bringing light to people in darkness. Not the bright white light that asks "how much did you sell today", but the warm glow that says "how do you feel about not knowing what to do or how to do it. How would you like to feel more in control?"

What do I mean? Well, this. The client was a big commercial company that expects its staff to sell, sell, sell. But the company is a bank. A bank whose customers expect them to provide access to their money whenever they want it, and somewhere safe to leave it when they don't. Those customers don't want to be sold at. One customer even asked "can you please put a marker on my account telling your staff not to try to sell me stuff each time I come in?"

And guess what? A manager moaned at me for daring to recount that story "because it might demotivate her staff from selling".

And this bank is in the middle of replacing every computer system with new ones. They have made lots of decisions; most are of the kind "we go ahead with the plan, no matter what". And line managers demand more sales, just because their bosses keep demanding more sales.

And no-one really cared that the front line staff have been suffering for months, each time a customer tries to do something and the computer stops it happening. I've been in there these last 15 months, coaching, supporting and doing what I can to ease the pain of those front line heroes. And now the bank has said "enough of that, we're done, no more support". But the line managers look at me in disbelief and say "how can you leave now? who will save us?"

And it hurts to leave them like that. But in truth it's been hurting me to stay in that environment. No poems; no photos; less singing. I'm better off out of there. I just wish I could help my friends who are still there.

That's what's important to me. I care. And the last of the local line managers I saw today said quietly as I said that: "yes, I know you do." So maybe someone has noticed. A victory. One of many.