say what you want

It seems so obvious - if I want a box of eggs, I have to find the right shop and go in and ask for a box of eggs. If I don't ask, I don't get.

Why is it, then, that we find it so easy to leave it up to the universe to guess what we really want? If we want someone to come and keep us company, we have to ask - rather than dropping hints. If we want someone to help publish a book of poems and photos, we have to find someone who knows what to do and then negotiate a support contract (fancy words for agreeing who does what and when).

I just looked back at a plan I wrote down in March 2005 and sat wondering why it hadn't happened. I'd told my friends what I wanted to achieve - I'd even said what help I was looking for. Looking back, I can see I said it to a group, all of whom thought someone else would pick up the ball. It's taken a long time to realise I had to ask specific people to help on explicit things before the bigger picture would emerge.

Of that group, the one person who has really made a success (from my perspective) is the one who went and spoke to individual friends and asked for specific bits of help. She has used every tool she can get her hands on - including facebook and who knows what else. And I'd bet she still feels she has a long way to go.

Time for bed, said Zebedee.

still here

yes, it seems so.

I've spent loads of time helping people get used to new ways of working, and now I'm having to do the same. First my client closed a bunch of local offices but luckily they provided me with a way of working from home. That saved me lots of time each day - commuting was now a case of walking across the room. The new way of working meant that I had to remember to do the basics - so easy to get slack if no-one would see me all day.

And now that contract is over. So I'm adjusting to having more time to do the things I choose; and it's funny how I find ways of filling my time with things I didn't used to do. Or maybe it's not so funny.

What will I do next? I'll tell you when I've figured it out.
Probably.

...maybe it shouldn't surprise

Today I met up with a colleague who'd called me a few times but hadn't been able to meet me until today. Over the phone I'd had trouble understanding why she acted in a very particular way. Then, today, she explained. She has some challenges - physical and medical - and they affect her ability to do some things. But they clearly don't affect her mental powers at all; in fact, I rather think they enhance them.

She explained with a smile: "if I find something that challenges me, I sit and find a way of dealing with it". And that's why she seemed particular - she knows from her experience that some things just don't work for her - and that the way she asks for something is the way she knows she can be effective.

And what really impressed me was her strength and determination. I really like and admire that. The clarity of her vision is an inspiration.

just a reminder

that I have a website that I haven't updated for ages...with poems and photos on it. One day I'll revamp it. I had a chat with a colleague back last summer about ways of making it fancy...and then haven't had the time and energy to do it (yet).

The address? www.facilitator.demon.co.uk

winter morning blues

early morning chill
the commuter resists
why move now
more time in bed
or cuddled by the fire
with a good book

because the money's out there
somewhere

not nestled here beside me

things keep on changing

Yes, I know it's been said before.

I'm working with an organisation that's going through massive change; people are feeling battered and bruised and not valued at all. And this is in an organisation that claims to be making things better for people. What hope do we have away from the caring professions?

Bankers are proving their worth (about 50p, devalued as the pound sinks against all known currencies). Investment seems even more of a mug's game. And savings are getting a pittance in interest.

Even the fantasy world I've used as a sideshow is going through change as its owners realise they didn't get the offerings right. Yes, it's a game - a virtual environment, but reality intervenes everywhere. After getting used to being creative on a bigger scale, I find myself having to do it on the head of a needle again.

What fun.

now it's later

When I wrote those things last night I meant them. It felt good to have said them. I slept afterwards - and that felt even better. On the way to work I met my niece - a chance in a million - and somehow, as the day went on, I felt better. Not the best, but better. It's still not ideal and there's a way to go - but no burning bridges (yet).
Small things went right today. More of the same would be good tomorrow....
Let's see how the week pans out. Still tough stuff lurking.